This year i want to make a team for the Austin Komen race for the cure.
BUT - i can't think of the perfect name - has to be glittery of course, unicorns acceptable. Cute essential
My daughter wants "Glitter Palz" sokay, but not 100% sold
Glitter Every Day gang? Glittercorns - sigh....
Come on - give me some ideas - anything! if i pick yours i'll pay your Komen Race Entry - how bout that!
Please share this, i want tons of ideas SOON :)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
lesson of the day
I've told the story of the finding out i had breast cancer a lot of times - but only one person, and it was recently, said i should blog post it. duh, i totally should, cos there is a moral to the story....
so.....several months ago, i started to notice pain in, around my breast, it was really bothery, but it went away, it came back the next month and i realized it coincided with my cycle, starting right around ovulation. Breast cancer entered my thoughts, but, my ex husbands wife was just beginning her fight, my dad was in ICU at the heart hospital, law of average, universe fairness, brain rationalization meant that of course that was rediculous.
I did feel something, but not like what i thought a lump was, more of a hardness deep inside.
Third month i did google it - i googled "breast pain" - found exactly my symptoms, hormones...fibroid cysts...goes with cyle...some women worse than others...some get cysts removed even...
I googled "breast cancer" & "breast cancer pain" - nothing.
phew, google to the rescue. self diagnosis complete. life goes on.
then finally in May i decided to get my general act together and make a check up appointment. I hadn't had health insurance in five years and so hadn't been to the dr in 5 years, shabby i know.
so with insurance now in place 5 months....i went, got the usual and of course she said, you are 42 you need a mammogram...had it the next day...low and behold they were concerned by the pictures, biopsy that same day and tadaaaa..
SO - the moral of the story is DO NOT IGNORE BOOB STUFF!
no matter how small, how weird, how probably unlikely it is, no matter your age, family history, general health, just go. I feel so lucky that the cancer i have is non aggressive, it makes me sick to think that had it been, with the delays in getting it checked, i may have been in much worse shape. much worse
so.....several months ago, i started to notice pain in, around my breast, it was really bothery, but it went away, it came back the next month and i realized it coincided with my cycle, starting right around ovulation. Breast cancer entered my thoughts, but, my ex husbands wife was just beginning her fight, my dad was in ICU at the heart hospital, law of average, universe fairness, brain rationalization meant that of course that was rediculous.
I did feel something, but not like what i thought a lump was, more of a hardness deep inside.
Third month i did google it - i googled "breast pain" - found exactly my symptoms, hormones...fibroid cysts...goes with cyle...some women worse than others...some get cysts removed even...
I googled "breast cancer" & "breast cancer pain" - nothing.
phew, google to the rescue. self diagnosis complete. life goes on.
then finally in May i decided to get my general act together and make a check up appointment. I hadn't had health insurance in five years and so hadn't been to the dr in 5 years, shabby i know.
so with insurance now in place 5 months....i went, got the usual and of course she said, you are 42 you need a mammogram...had it the next day...low and behold they were concerned by the pictures, biopsy that same day and tadaaaa..
SO - the moral of the story is DO NOT IGNORE BOOB STUFF!
no matter how small, how weird, how probably unlikely it is, no matter your age, family history, general health, just go. I feel so lucky that the cancer i have is non aggressive, it makes me sick to think that had it been, with the delays in getting it checked, i may have been in much worse shape. much worse
Friday, June 18, 2010
In da club
tLast night i had the pleasure of sharing a drink and chat with a new wonderful friend and fellow breast cancer sister. We had the usual BC bondy banter about this procedure & that result, what we went through this week, what's next. We also deepened our friendship by finding out we had some mutual friends and shared austin history.
Then at some point she told me about a friend, another mom from a kid's sports team, who was recently diagnosed with cancer, she had just taken dinner to her. But this other woman has a different cancer, a rare weird cancer where they cannot determine where it started, and now, it is everywhere in her body, and all they can do is keep her going with various chemo treatments.
This made us sad, and then led us to a mutual and odd realization. We are lucky we have breast cancer. And furthermore, we two happen to be lucky to have types & stages that can be dealt with. We can just remove a boob, or a lump, one round of chemo perhaps and have a damn good chance of never dealing with it again. (pls note, i am not minimizing the ordeals & trauma of treatment & prognosis, it's as ugly & gnarly & sad as any)
AND
we have a club. We have pink, we have incredible resource centers & groups, we meet and bond and show each other scars like they were princess tiaras, we show off new 20 year old racks, we have walks & tee shirts, parties with pink drinks, cute phrases like "save the tatas" - it's really pretty fun. all that stuff. it helps. it strengthens. it affirms. it fills one up with a new love & gratitude for the experiences. it's weird.
Then at some point she told me about a friend, another mom from a kid's sports team, who was recently diagnosed with cancer, she had just taken dinner to her. But this other woman has a different cancer, a rare weird cancer where they cannot determine where it started, and now, it is everywhere in her body, and all they can do is keep her going with various chemo treatments.
This made us sad, and then led us to a mutual and odd realization. We are lucky we have breast cancer. And furthermore, we two happen to be lucky to have types & stages that can be dealt with. We can just remove a boob, or a lump, one round of chemo perhaps and have a damn good chance of never dealing with it again. (pls note, i am not minimizing the ordeals & trauma of treatment & prognosis, it's as ugly & gnarly & sad as any)
AND
we have a club. We have pink, we have incredible resource centers & groups, we meet and bond and show each other scars like they were princess tiaras, we show off new 20 year old racks, we have walks & tee shirts, parties with pink drinks, cute phrases like "save the tatas" - it's really pretty fun. all that stuff. it helps. it strengthens. it affirms. it fills one up with a new love & gratitude for the experiences. it's weird.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
barium breakfast of champs
so this morning i drank a lovely mochachino dose of barium in prep for my CT Scan, then went to the ARA where they injected me with lovely radioactive stuff, in prep for my later bone scan.
Then i went into the CT scan where i got more stuff injected into me for contrast or something. CT scan easy, breakfast break then back for pretty easy bone scan.
Got to spend fun time with my buddy pj who makes totally inapropriate jokes, it kept me entertained and light throughout the stress
THen later today got some kick ass news. MY BRAC genetic test came back negative!! this is huge, especially for my daughter & her daughters, i'm so happy. Also the CT scan results were all clear! no cancer in the rest of my body.
Bone scan resuts tomorrow
Oncotype results the 24th
Next Oncology appointment to map out game plane with all results in - the 29th
So after that i will know what the rest of my summer will look like :)
Then i went into the CT scan where i got more stuff injected into me for contrast or something. CT scan easy, breakfast break then back for pretty easy bone scan.
Got to spend fun time with my buddy pj who makes totally inapropriate jokes, it kept me entertained and light throughout the stress
THen later today got some kick ass news. MY BRAC genetic test came back negative!! this is huge, especially for my daughter & her daughters, i'm so happy. Also the CT scan results were all clear! no cancer in the rest of my body.
Bone scan resuts tomorrow
Oncotype results the 24th
Next Oncology appointment to map out game plane with all results in - the 29th
So after that i will know what the rest of my summer will look like :)
Saturday, June 12, 2010
muthereffin seesaw
the roller coaster is one thing - emotional blah blah, dizzying, familiar
the seesaw - attempted balance - attempted being the word of note. otherwise the symbolic metahpor would be a scale
the hardest thing right now is dealing w my kids, i try to have more patient together time right now, and end up being zero tolerance impatient mom as their demands compete with my filledtothebrim thoughts, not fair at all i realize.
A new level of balance on top of all that i've only vaguely mastered as a single parent
the seesaw - attempted balance - attempted being the word of note. otherwise the symbolic metahpor would be a scale
the hardest thing right now is dealing w my kids, i try to have more patient together time right now, and end up being zero tolerance impatient mom as their demands compete with my filledtothebrim thoughts, not fair at all i realize.
A new level of balance on top of all that i've only vaguely mastered as a single parent
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
searching
so i have pretty much avoid googling any cancer stuff. I don't wanna over drama myself, read scenarios i can't imagine or handle. Too much info overload. worst case scenarios. stuff that's not relevant.
I did one day read some forum topics on Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and even that overwhelmed me with the terms i didn't understand and the descriptions of symptoms & side effects.
But a few weeks have gone by, i understand what MY terms mean for the most part, i decided there were a few particular & focused things i wanted to read about.
So i sat at a starbucks as my home internet was down, and typed the words breast cancer estrogen soy, got results, opened a few links in new windows and...guess what? mini public meltdown
it wasn't the subject matter or info uncovered...
I just cannot believe that these search terms relate to me, it's just unbefuckinglievable to me. it still doesn't seem possible. and it doesn't feel fair
It is at times too much to have all these thoughts and decisions, playing different scenarios playing in my head constantly as i try and do the other normal things in my life, mommying being the hardest one to do with ease.
i never knew mental fatigue like this, i'm tired even tho i sleep well
i know...more JUICE :)
I did one day read some forum topics on Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and even that overwhelmed me with the terms i didn't understand and the descriptions of symptoms & side effects.
But a few weeks have gone by, i understand what MY terms mean for the most part, i decided there were a few particular & focused things i wanted to read about.
So i sat at a starbucks as my home internet was down, and typed the words breast cancer estrogen soy, got results, opened a few links in new windows and...guess what? mini public meltdown
it wasn't the subject matter or info uncovered...
I just cannot believe that these search terms relate to me, it's just unbefuckinglievable to me. it still doesn't seem possible. and it doesn't feel fair
It is at times too much to have all these thoughts and decisions, playing different scenarios playing in my head constantly as i try and do the other normal things in my life, mommying being the hardest one to do with ease.
i never knew mental fatigue like this, i'm tired even tho i sleep well
i know...more JUICE :)
listomania - blessings & thanks
I love lists, so i'll just go ahead and say now that i'm gonna make lots of posts that are lists - todays is about the things and people that have blown me away
What i'm thankful for:
1. whatever it is in me that is making me not feel completely devastated and really generally happy and lucky, maybe even more so than usual. I feel pretty damn rich right now.
2. modern medical advances
3. my 5 core loves that are taking care of my heart & body & mind.
4. Daily Juice
5. Other amazing people that have either said words or done actions that mean the world to me and literlly blow me a way with their unbelievable acts.
6. Wonders & Worries http://www.wondersandworries.org
7. vegan chicken salad from wholefoods
8. My ex husband & his wife - taking this in stride and with strength despite the fact that they literally JUST traveled the same road.
9. all my new clothes, my clean house, my glittery quilt
10. and hugely, my friends who have gone or are going throught= this, and the friends i'm gonna make as i go. It's a club one may not wish they had to join, but it just may be one of the most rewarding, love filled, inpsirational & comforting.
there are a million more, the list could be endless
What i'm thankful for:
1. whatever it is in me that is making me not feel completely devastated and really generally happy and lucky, maybe even more so than usual. I feel pretty damn rich right now.
2. modern medical advances
3. my 5 core loves that are taking care of my heart & body & mind.
4. Daily Juice
5. Other amazing people that have either said words or done actions that mean the world to me and literlly blow me a way with their unbelievable acts.
6. Wonders & Worries http://www.wondersandworries.org
7. vegan chicken salad from wholefoods
8. My ex husband & his wife - taking this in stride and with strength despite the fact that they literally JUST traveled the same road.
9. all my new clothes, my clean house, my glittery quilt
10. and hugely, my friends who have gone or are going throught= this, and the friends i'm gonna make as i go. It's a club one may not wish they had to join, but it just may be one of the most rewarding, love filled, inpsirational & comforting.
there are a million more, the list could be endless
Friday, June 4, 2010
awaiting awaiting
quicky just to bring people up to date...warning: full of facts & terms
Results of surgery & pathology:
No lympnodes involved = very very good
they were able to get clear margins - BUT it was bigger than they expected and there were a couple of lesions, these two factors are why i am having some more tests and why they have not completly decided on what the next course of action is. (they being mostly my oncologist)
not agressive
Estrogen + which is good, hormone treatments are very effective
Progesterone +
HER2 negative (i think, for some reason i'm spacing on this pretty imp info but will call monday)
Stage 2 A
What we are waiting for :
Sending "it" off to test it's Oncotype - this is a rather new test, where they can tell if a type of cancer is even responsive to chemo. if it isn't then no point going through that ordeal
BRAC test, for the genetic mutation, takes a couple of weeks
MRI - i had this yesterday, i had open MRI cos i'm so damn claustrophobic and still i took an ativan. It was easy but i was totaly exhausted all day and lets just say i shoulda had someone else drive me home
CT scan & bone density scan scheduled for the 15th - bleachhhh, i have to drink "Mochachino" flavoured barium. gag gag gag gag gag
i'm ok with this waiting - it's like having a vacay, or a chance to get stuff done, have some fun, ect...i've envisioned all the possible scenarios, played with what they look like, sometimes i decide that one is better than the other, but all in all i'm just gonna be ok with whatever it takes to be ok.
today i'm kinda sick, completely unrelated i believe, just actual sick which is totaly not fair, except that people feel even more sorry for me and therefore my kids have been swimming & playing with neighbors all day. Being a mom & sick sucks, being a single mom and sick sucks beyond belief, that's all i have to say about that. you know what i mean.
Results of surgery & pathology:
No lympnodes involved = very very good
they were able to get clear margins - BUT it was bigger than they expected and there were a couple of lesions, these two factors are why i am having some more tests and why they have not completly decided on what the next course of action is. (they being mostly my oncologist)
not agressive
Estrogen + which is good, hormone treatments are very effective
Progesterone +
HER2 negative (i think, for some reason i'm spacing on this pretty imp info but will call monday)
Stage 2 A
What we are waiting for :
Sending "it" off to test it's Oncotype - this is a rather new test, where they can tell if a type of cancer is even responsive to chemo. if it isn't then no point going through that ordeal
BRAC test, for the genetic mutation, takes a couple of weeks
MRI - i had this yesterday, i had open MRI cos i'm so damn claustrophobic and still i took an ativan. It was easy but i was totaly exhausted all day and lets just say i shoulda had someone else drive me home
CT scan & bone density scan scheduled for the 15th - bleachhhh, i have to drink "Mochachino" flavoured barium. gag gag gag gag gag
i'm ok with this waiting - it's like having a vacay, or a chance to get stuff done, have some fun, ect...i've envisioned all the possible scenarios, played with what they look like, sometimes i decide that one is better than the other, but all in all i'm just gonna be ok with whatever it takes to be ok.
today i'm kinda sick, completely unrelated i believe, just actual sick which is totaly not fair, except that people feel even more sorry for me and therefore my kids have been swimming & playing with neighbors all day. Being a mom & sick sucks, being a single mom and sick sucks beyond belief, that's all i have to say about that. you know what i mean.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Glitter trail
so this is the quintissential first blog post - tadahh! I'm calling this blog "glitter every day" after the title of my original breast cancer announcement blog post I wrote in my real estate blog RockNRealty.
I decided i did not want to make that blog my cancer blog.
Actually i don't want this to be my cancer blog, but alas for now, that is what it is.
I need a place to update friends & family, to chronicle my progress and procedures, to celebrate my victories, vent my sadness and frustrations, to immortilize the multitude of blessings i have recieved and will recieve, to express my love and thanks to my heroes & anchors that are riding this with me. It may serve in practical ways to point out date markers of appointments and stages, and it will serve in emotional ways as a release. I can't always talk, i can't always reply to everything, i sometimes feel awkward revealing the weaker moments. It's not all pretty, but sometimes it is. It'll all be here.
I'm very open about this - i welcome sharing this with whomever, i welcome phone calls and emails, i welcome offers of help, introductions to your friends who may have gone through similar sitch, and i welcome anyone who feels it, to share my stories with others.
When i wrote that first post Glitter Every Day, i really did mean it literally, i love glittery things. And somewhere in me i also felt the symbolism, but one cannot proclaim and create a symbolic image on purpose (well an ad agency can), but when i read all the comments on that blog and on facebook and in emails, i realized the full potential of of Glitter Every Day, that is how i am and how i intend to take on all this crap.
That itself is one of the first of many blessings i have discovered - one doesn't always get an opportunity to see how others view you and have viewed you for many years and it's unbelievably affirming. I'll take it!
I also will most likely not capitilize the letter i in this blog, professional schmofessional.
I may now and then post cancer stuff on RocknRealty, but mostly about events, races, fund raisers, important information, but they will lead to this space for the more personal updates.
I'm so happy that my job as a Realtor is so flexible so as to continue working at my usual level and have time and space to go to appointments, be it medical or spa pampering related (i intend to do a lot of that yippee!)
so first post over & out - read, comment, share, and be happy, that's the key to it all.
xox
Nanette
I decided i did not want to make that blog my cancer blog.
Actually i don't want this to be my cancer blog, but alas for now, that is what it is.
I need a place to update friends & family, to chronicle my progress and procedures, to celebrate my victories, vent my sadness and frustrations, to immortilize the multitude of blessings i have recieved and will recieve, to express my love and thanks to my heroes & anchors that are riding this with me. It may serve in practical ways to point out date markers of appointments and stages, and it will serve in emotional ways as a release. I can't always talk, i can't always reply to everything, i sometimes feel awkward revealing the weaker moments. It's not all pretty, but sometimes it is. It'll all be here.
I'm very open about this - i welcome sharing this with whomever, i welcome phone calls and emails, i welcome offers of help, introductions to your friends who may have gone through similar sitch, and i welcome anyone who feels it, to share my stories with others.
When i wrote that first post Glitter Every Day, i really did mean it literally, i love glittery things. And somewhere in me i also felt the symbolism, but one cannot proclaim and create a symbolic image on purpose (well an ad agency can), but when i read all the comments on that blog and on facebook and in emails, i realized the full potential of of Glitter Every Day, that is how i am and how i intend to take on all this crap.
That itself is one of the first of many blessings i have discovered - one doesn't always get an opportunity to see how others view you and have viewed you for many years and it's unbelievably affirming. I'll take it!
I also will most likely not capitilize the letter i in this blog, professional schmofessional.
I may now and then post cancer stuff on RocknRealty, but mostly about events, races, fund raisers, important information, but they will lead to this space for the more personal updates.
I'm so happy that my job as a Realtor is so flexible so as to continue working at my usual level and have time and space to go to appointments, be it medical or spa pampering related (i intend to do a lot of that yippee!)
so first post over & out - read, comment, share, and be happy, that's the key to it all.
xox
Nanette
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