i really & truly was going to write a post tonight about happiness & some good things - those things and that feeling are still there, so i will write that post in a few days - but in the space of one hour this night, cancer has made me really sad.
On twitter, i found out that a guy i know, is in ICU fighting for his life, this is sudden, i knew nothing of anything. He was fine a month ago. I don't really know him in real life as they say, but real enough. we have twitter banter, we've done business together, and he said some truly kind things to me during my struggles.
On Facebook i got the news that i just don't want to process. A stage IV bc friend is not responding to a new medicine, she will have to go to chemo again, and have new scans, and find out stuff. I love this lady, we knew each other when our eldests were in preschool, maybe 7 years have gone by and we reunited in the chemo room. So odd but one of those blessing moments. Her facebook note among other things said this “Cancer is sad. Really, really sad.” - and it is, it's really fucking sad - that's all
...and i hate saying this, because i know it's futile & not in my control, but i feel guilty for being so lucky to not be in these more dire situatioons.
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YOU are loved. YOU are amazing. YOU are RIGHT, cancer is fucking sad and scary. YOU are a warrior; brave and graceful through your battle. YOU inspire so many. But beyond this, just cry, its ok.
ReplyDeleteFunny you wrote this tonight because I read a blog on a girl today who is struggling through sarcoma (a cancer that a friend of mine past away from earlier this year). My dad just got back today from MD Anderson after being cancer free for 8 years. His cancer may have come back. I HATE CANCER...HATE IT. I don't have it, but feel the pain in my heart for all who have been there. So many, gone too soon. So many fighting for their lives. My tears are shed for all these brave souls and those who love them.
ReplyDeleteCancer is sad, and it sucks. A few years ago, a friend who I worked with back in the day (and married one of our other co-workers!) went to the hospital for abdominal pain. He was dead in 4 weeks of liver and pancreatic cancer- he was 37. It was the saddest most heartbreaking thing I'd ever heard- it was so sudden, he was so young and he'd been married for a year and half. My friend Stacy was a widow at 37. I really hope your friend is going to be okay- I will light a candle for him. I love you girl.
ReplyDeleteI love you, girl. And I know what you mean about the guilt for your own good fortune. My mantra since cancer has been, "I'm a fortunate woman." But since that's something over which one has no control, . . . .
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