Fall Reinvention - Phoenix Rising

I've had a lot of changes in the last few weeks, mostly tiny internal shifts that have let me "know" certain things, certain directions I want to persue, certain attitudes to embrace...and some bigger changes that were/are hard to accept, but as always a chance for growth.

These shifts are aligning with the changing season, a time to disperse of old paradigms and reinvent.  I'm ready.  I've been practicing more yoga than usual, 5-6 days a week, this always brings about the raw internal observations
But before I even became clear on this I had signed up for an Ayurvedic yoga and cleanse at Eastside Yoga, and at the same time my soul sister Ro had turned me on to a new podcast, more on that in a bit...so along with all this spiritual stuff, and physical body stuff, i felt the urge to purge....my closet that is.  And bookshelves it seems too.
So I put a facebook call out to people that I was doing this, and people came over, and took my stuff. I had a lot of cool books and pretty clothes. And every now and then someone would ask me "how much?" - and i of course would answer - nothing, it's free, take it.  Some people asked me why i was doing this.  It's hard to asnwer that to a "mixed group" - so I wanted to share where this purge concept comes from....it's not because I have too much, or I want to buy more, it's really not an earthly vibe or action.  I was inspired by the podcast mentioned above - The Yoga Healer podcast - i'm in love with it!!

So, here is the link to hear it - and listen to more of her - she's fantastic and speaks my lingo

happy fall reinvention and rising from the ashes y'all

Yoga Healer Podcast - Purge your home

beautiful

I just saw the film Me & Earl and the Dying Girl  - i knew that because it was about cancer that I would cry, actually anyone would cry, it's a beautifully sad movie.

But there was one scene -  and I'm only saying this as a PSA  - if you went through being bald from chemo - to bring kleenex, and go with people you feel comfy with....

you know when you lose your hair, and everyone tells you how beautiful you look, and then they go - "no really, of all people, you REALLY look so gorgeous bald, it actually suits you"... I KNOW they have to say that, i know they want you to feel ok, they want to feel ok, they want to lessen the suffering of all of us.
And in fact I must admit i've said it, and in all honesty it's kind of true a lot of the time, some women really do look amazingly beautiful when they lose their hair. Maybe it's perfect bone structure, big eyes, perfect lips, mostly it's the aura of warrior mixed with aching vulnerabilty - when i see it i know it's beautiful, it just is.
But remember how it felt? remember how ugly, tired, sad and beat down it felt? Raw, open, sick and just crappy. There were times when i donned one of my groovy scarves, piled on the glitter eye make up, pink lip gloss, dangly earings that i felt a glimmer of pretty in the mirror, but mostly it was hard to look, i remember forcing myself to look head on in the mirror and take it in.  Not easy.

The scene i'm referring to  kind of got to that part of the cancer memory cloud - I didn't expect it, but it was kind of surreal, like I wasn't hearing it or wasn't in the theater, i was back to that time. My daughter felt it, i know because i felt her hand on my arm and it helped to know that she knew i was remembering.
I didn't allow any photos of me bald, i kind of wish i had - here's a scarf one,  definitely more bearable

Really a wonderful movie - i totally reccomend you all go see it - there is so much more going on than just the cancer part

turning the sky green

this post isn't cancer related  - but seeing as i don't write that much about it these days, and seeing as i often have stuff to say, i'm gonna start posting Nanette-ness of some sort or another

anyway, this is a rant somewhat. and it's MY FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS...

I just finished wathing the documentary "Don't Follow Me - I'm Lost Too" about pretty much my fave musician ever (besides the Stones & Dylan) Bobby Bare JR.
It was good, followed him on the road, trials and tribulations, I got to hear/see my fave songs.
The road stuff is whatever, i've heard about it and seen it over the course of my semi-life long "career" of musican relationships. A whole other subject.  Which leads me to what got me riled up.
The movie ended with Bobby's then current relationship with the mother of his then 2 month old baby leaving him, and Bobby saying to the camera, that the two women, mother's of his 3 children, both left him because they wanted him to stop doing what he was doing, stop being on the road, and of course he didn't because...duh.  In his words he pointed out that he could stay in his town and have some shitty job making some shitty amount an hour, but really the point is deeper than that.

If you fall in love with a working musician, if you have a baby with him, if you marry him or not marry him, you sign up for this life.  What Bobby's chicks did happens all the time and I just don't understand it.  Surely that aspect, that creative energy, that talent, that spark that makes song writing and playing the "thing" that makes your man thrive, surely that's what you fall in love with. And i don't mean the image, i mean if you fall in love with a person, you fall in love that person and all that they are, unconditionally.  Thier essesnce. And for artists, the creating is their essence. Why woud you want  them to not be them? It's like asking your dog to please be a cat now because you are tired of having to walk them all the time.  Or wishing the sky was green because it's a way more pleasant color to you than blue.

My ex husband came home for 2 weeks when my first kid was born, two weeks, then he was gone for 4 months i think, and then for some more time, and some more. I know my situation was semi-easy in that significant money was being made and major carreer success was happening.  I realize it may be harder to take when it's all a grind and not too luxurious. But that doesn't change the scenario, in that if an artist forces themsleves to not be that, the effects of that would be squeezed out the sides like a melting ice cream sandwhich. resentment, anger, depression, sadness, disatisfaction.

I guess i have to disclaim that this may not be the case in every relationship and in every artist, and let's not even touch on peoples paranoia about "men on the road" - it happens, it doesn't happen, it's not the point of this.
I just know you have to love someone and let them be who they are, and it's not easy, and not always pretty and it doesn't always work.

below is Bobby Bare Jr and his insanely cute daughter Bella singing the song Bobby sang with his Dad when he was a kid.

The Good Mood Project - Day 5: JOY

last post but certainly not the last dance!

Really it's a free for all folks - like i said before - the possibilities are endless, it's YOUR good mood, your choices, your songs.

You can even google "songs that put you in a good mood" and get a variety of awesome suggestions

Today i chose "joy to the world" because - happy - it just makes me happy!

I threw in a little Lee Dorsey too becaust it makes me feel cute - it reminds me of when i was 20 years old and worked at the Green Mesquite BBQ and we had a buch of Lee Dorsey on the Juke Box, it was the first time I had heard it and I used all my tip quarters to play it over and over

So there you have it - I'd love to know if you try this what your songs are, and if you feel it....it's just all about having fun

The Good Mood Project - Day 4: Check this girl

This one is purely for the ladies (altho i know it sexist - i really only imagine girls may even do this thing)

Beyonce - Check On it.  You know she's badass sexy powerful.  This song is my absolute fave of hers.  it's actually been my "get ready to go out" song for years.
I don't even really wanna tell you how you might get down to this song because well... you KNOW how to
just know you deserve to feel like this.  this song is S-E-X-Y (and the video is hot!)

Some other girl only songs i like to dance to somtimes are:

Fergie - London Bridge.  Love me some Fergie.  Drop it down real low, dont give a fuck so here we go.... this isn't the official video because i kind of don't like it

and just in case you need a bit more Grrrrl Power and less dancing like a ho:

No Doubt - Just A Girl.  You could even go so wild as to throw in some push ups just like Gwen - another super sexy diva power girl that i adore.

The Good Mood Project - Day 3: ...too HOT

if you have not been afflicted with the infectious groove of Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars...well then...I was gonna disown you but instead i'm just gonna tell you to just jump on the bandwagon, do it blindly and with faith.  you won't regret

Disclaimer:  all these good mood songs are MY good mood songs - the joy of this excercise is that you get to dance to what you want!

ok back to Bruno - this is one of my faves - have you seen him do this on Ellen?? find that video now, you will be insta-happy now. it's on YouTube

If you are the type to learn dances - this woud be a fun one to nail down how he and his crew do it and do the entire thing!!

Me - i'm kind of free form - but i have to confess during the "updown funk gonna give it to ya" part there's a little bit of flashdance action going on - you know the scene when she's practicing by her self during Maniac and she's running in place - ha yeah. it's so fun

A thing i love about this song is that altho at first it may seem egotistic, it's really self ego boosting, don't believe me...just watch

Good Mood Project - Day 2: Tonight...

Say what you will about the Black Eyed Peas - I dare you to not get really fuckin jazzed up shaking your ass to this song.

Jump up and down - and really believe it. Tonight's gonna be a good good night...


I'm lucky that I get up really early so the kids are still asleep, and that i still haven't furnished my new home, so I have a pretty big space of polished concrete floors to really go cray - a giant dance floor all to myself.
If you can't go out tonight and let it all out on the dance floor you can do it early in the morn at your own house - same feeling, more sleep :)

confession - the first time i listened to this one - i was feeling kinda blah - and then i sorta cried (you know me - i'm a crier) - but the unbridled positivity of this song just got to me - nothing special - just have fun.

The Good Mood Project - smile at the rising sun

i'm fascinated with being happy.  How do you be happy. Why do some people get happy easier than others.  I love experimenting with practices that set the pace of my day, and ultimately my week/month/life.  I'm generally a happy person but when you leave it up to the ebbs and flows and whims of daily life, you can get derailed by hurdles of varying degress.  It's not possible to be 100% happy 100% of the time but it doesn't hurt to take some action to ensure the best outcome

My current fave thing to do is something i call the good mood guarantee - i swiped the idea from the fab book E Cubed (I cant' figure out how to write the little cubed 3) - by Pam Grout - it's one of her "excercises" so i truly didn't make it up but i've made it MINE

so I challeng you to try it!
Every day this week pick a song - you can pick my songs - i'm going to post one new one for 5 days - put it on your iphone, put in your earbuds, and dance  - yeah, shake your booty like there's no tomorrow.  Think of that cliche "dance like no one is looking" THAT.

There's no way you can do this without smiling, and lifting your spirits - I promise

I'm gonna start you out with what has become my DAILY mantra song - i listen to this one first before any other song i choose, i bop around making coffee, cleaning up the kitchen, whatever first morning things i do.  It truly makes me happy

Bob Marley & the Wailers - Three Little Birds

Still learning to Survive

Just when I think I've got this survivor thing down... Survival Lessons by Alice Hoffman. A small but mighty book falls into my lap

The roller coaster that is cancer  at 5 years since diagnoses  may have less severe dips, and maybe not quite as many  upside down loop-de-loops that the newly diagnosed roller coaster of treatment has.

But every now and then it takes a surprise turn, the kind where the coaster is happily going along with birds tweeting and butterflies fluttering all around you, then suddenly..... I guess basically I'm saying it's just still not easy. And it still surprises me that it's not.

I read an article about how a cancer diagnosis causes PTSD, i felt almost ashamed to admit that this felt true. It seems that how can this compare to the horrors that one thinks of when you hear of a person with PTSD.  But I've come to accept this is true.  In varying levels of severity. 

It's hard to read a book with constant tears. Tears of emotion, and hope, and sadness, and compassion, and gratitude.  That sums up the survival roller coaster