crazy sexy stuff

i've definitely become a Kris Carr groupie - her energy & dedication are inspiring for anyone, not just cancer survivors. Plus she calls people "unicorns" like i do - weirdo.

i knew that i had been leaning towards cleaning up my food, to a more cancer preventive wowie energy sparkle health mode. But it's not easy, i love sugar & coffee. Being vegan i'm not far off, but i love sugar & coffee.
anyway, reading Kris's new book Crazy Sexy Diet was the push i needed. I just love the way she puts everything.  I've heard some survivors say stuff like - cancer isn't sexy - and stuff like that, but Kris's definition of Crazy Sexy is this:

Crazy = bold, out of the box, forward thinking, and status quo chalenging
Sexy = confident, in touch, whole, passionate, and concious

Exactly how i wanna be, exactly how i have always kind of seen myself.

Today is the last day of the 21 day crazy sexy cleanse, i feel amazing. i think the biggest change or noticable effect is my mood. happy. positive. self loving. light.  it's really kind of phenomenal. it makes me emotional to see myself.
Another really groovy result is my sweet tooth, it's satisfied by things like cashew butter & banana on a rice cake, or the raw brownies at wholefoods that don't even have agave.
Not sure to what level i will maintian post cleanse, for sure i will avoid sugar, that's a given for a disease prevention plan. 
I don't want to fall into coffee addiction, but i do miss it terribly, i don't need it in the morning anymore, we'll see.
Gluten i will try and see if there is a difference after not having it for 3 weeks. It's pretty easy to avoid it or restrict it.
Raw salads & more veg, of course and i've been making my own dressings, delish. I'm discovering simple is sometimes best.
Juicing - i'm hooked. I am kind of looking forward to not HAVING to do it every morning. It's hard to keep all the veggies in stock. but i will juice ALOT. and i just got  the coveted Vita Mix blender so GREEN smoothies are also going to be a mainstay.

I've also been going to yoga almost daily - mostly gentle hatha classes that are really opening up my chest, calming my head, strengthening my muscles, and happifying my soul.

all the Crazy Sexy lifestsyle info and grooviness is at http://www.crazysexylife.com/  - check it out and thank yourself for loving yourself

me & my unicorn

sxsw in my new era

hmmmmm things do change
At some point early on i thought - yeah, by South by i'm gonna be all better and rareing to go

Then when i was in chemo - it was all about - how long will my hair be by then. Could not imagine having super short hair during a time when i always make an extra effort to look cool & rockin.

Then as i neared my reconstruction surgury, and still felt tired a lot - i became overwhelmed by the thought of my SXSW Crew Chief  volunteer job. It's a pretty easy  in comparison job, and i've had it for many many years, but it involves planning and time. So i decided to step down and pass it on to one of my best volunteers over the years. 

So as the week arrived I figured i would just go with the flow an do exactly whatever the heck i wanted. Turns out i didn't want much. I went downtown on the days i didn't have kids, walked a lot, saw the bangles, met susannah hoffs (eeeeeeek), didn't give a shit about what i was missing. Saw two movies. One interactive panel on Veganism on the web.
Got tired too early. went home early. danced to black joe lewis. saw my best friend more than on a regular week. didn't drink coffee or alcohol. 

I did miss a lot of bands i wish i could have seen, and i did feel awkward in my skin sometimes, not totally used to being who i am. - but i guess the difference is that i didn't dwell on the missing of events, or my old self. 

secret society of short hair

so i've noticed as i go about my day that when i encounter other girls with super short hair, a knowing acknowledgment passes subtly in our eyes - not cancer related as that is an unknown - but a yeah, we kick ass enough to dare to wear this hair.

My brother & I sxsw-ing it

Valentines for Me

This post is a little after the fact - but after thinking so much about joy lately and what that means to live in joy and self love - i felt like sharing how i celebrated valentines day this year.
I've always love V day - it's my fave colors, i love hearts & heart shaped things - have since i was a kid. And i already decided a long time ago that relying on traditional romantic expetations are not a way experience a day like this. I make heart waffles for my kids every year, we decorate heart cookies, one year i made mix CDs for my best friends, i make the day romantic all round for whoever is in my life

this year i was my own valentine, and i was really romantic to myself :)  - I ate a Dove dark chocolate heart a few days before, that said in the little message in the wrapper "be your own valentine"

First i went to yoga

then i went to Sugar Mama's Bakery and bought myself these:

Vegan Valentine Cupcakes

Then i took myself to lunch at Mr. Natural and had more desert of these:

And then i went to Book People and bought myself this:

Crazy Sexy Diet is the ultimate love gift, for yourself, or for another

Then i went to Anthropolige & used a $50 gift card i won and found something cute on sale for exactly that amount

Joy #2

Last weekends TEDx Austin talks were only topped by the Livestrong Austin Marathon on Sunday the 20th. I am very lucky in that i am seasonally part of the organizing team - i book all the bands that play on the route and some of the finish line entertainment. It's fun. but this year was tough, it was hard for me to get in the organizy mode when i was in the middle of surgery recovery & chemo. Periodically along the the timeline of working on this i would forget a meeting, feel too sick for a meeting, fall asleep at night before sending the emails i meant to send. fast forward, i pulled it together, got it all scheduled, planned, booked. But i couldn't have done that without the super sweet generous understanding of John Conely, the race director and all the marathon staff.  Working with John and the team is one of the most glorious yummy fun rewarding warm experiences in my life. Shame it's only a few months out of the year!

On race day, i have a wonderful volunteer Dale who is my driver, he picks me up at 6:30am and we drive around, trying to get as near to band locations as possible to check on them & troubleshoot any issues. We also go to the finish line so i can touch base with the finish line band & the mariachis. So i really get to see & feel the vibe out there.  I see the bands rock, i see the early first runners, i see the 5 hour plus marathoners, i see the amazing austin community that goes out to cheer. There's a lot of love in the air!

I was really moved by the race this year, maybe it's the Livestrong sponsorship, maybe it's the survivors i saw running, maybe it was the good feeling of satisfaction of my job well done. But i felt such joy out there. my bands were awesome. The runners were so happy. I got really great feedback from the bands afterwards, some of them say it's the most rewarding gig ever, a gig with meaning and inspiration. Even though they have to get out there & set up and play at the very un rock n roll hour of before 7am!

Tonight i went to the Thank You celebration, it was at a bar, i don't drink really anymore so i felt awkward to go, and i haven't really started going out at night yet either, but i wanted to see everyone. Cover Girl an 80's cover band was playing, and i danced - JOY

Joy

Last Saturday i was lucky enough to attend the TEDx Austin talks -  read about it HERE - wayyyy to complicated to explain :)

so many incredibly smart speakers, i learned stuff, i felt motivated by some, i had fun seeing friends, i enjoyed the vegan lunch provided by whole foods.

By the way, thanks to the power of social media & twitter the vegetarian planned lunch was changed to vegan after I and a couple of others asked about it on twitter! Yaaayya.

Anyway - really two people impacted me the most and i would have felt satisfied at that....

Robyn O'Brian - talked about "The Unhealthy Truth: How Our Food Is Making Us Sick and What We Can Do About It." - I know this stuff, but listening to the time line of when our govt started introducing hormones and shit into our food, and thinking about what it means, i really do wonder if this is the root of my getting cancer. When i first became vegetarian, which is right around when the hormone adding started - i didn't know as much about food as i do now, i didn't cook, i thought tofu & soy milk were the it food, the protein replacement. Plus i still ate a ton of dairy. Maybe more as it also became my primary protein. Dairy & Soy - the MOST hormone modified foods. I'm not gonna dwell, or regret, or bemoan. But it is shocking. And I will continue with more determination my path of mindful eating & smart healthy choices (check out my other blog about cooking from the local organic produce delivery Vegan Greenling)

The other speaker that i adored was Gilbert Tuhabonye - if you live in austin, and especially if you are a runner you probably know of him. Founder of the running training group The Gazelles. Google him & his story of survival & running to live - it's AMAZING, he's really inspiring, and i knew his story before this.  but it was the first few minutes of his talk that just blew me away, it was all i needed. His motto is "run with joy" - and when he came out he led with that vibe and the joy radiated from him. I believe him. And i feel that. And i want that. I want to appreicate that always. 

sometimes it really is the tragedies that make that immense joy so possible, i'm grateful for that.

sad

i really & truly was going to write a post tonight about happiness & some good things - those things and that feeling are still there, so i will write that post in a few days - but in the space of one hour this night, cancer has made me really sad.
On twitter, i found out that a guy i know, is in ICU fighting for his life, this is sudden, i knew nothing of anything. He was fine a month ago. I don't really know him in real life as they say, but real enough. we have twitter banter, we've done business together, and he said some truly kind things to me during my struggles.

On Facebook i got the news that i just don't want to process. A stage IV bc friend is not responding to a new medicine, she will have to go to chemo again, and have new scans, and find out stuff. I love this lady, we knew each other when our eldests were in preschool, maybe 7 years have gone by and we reunited in the chemo room. So odd but one of those blessing moments. Her facebook note among other things said this “Cancer is sad. Really, really sad.” - and it is, it's really fucking sad - that's all



...and i hate saying this, because i know it's futile & not in my control, but i feel guilty for being so lucky to not be in these more dire situatioons.