one thing i noticed last week during the worry & doubt days - was that i put life stuff on hold. I had decided to call my tattoo guy and schedule something, but i conciously didn't last week. I am planning to join the Y, but whenever i had a time slot and thought about going there. I didn't. I need a hair trim, but wasn't about to plan that if i was gonna lose it again. I didn't fill my surgery prescriptions. I put off lunch plans. I evaded my friends prompting to talk about our disney trip this ummer.
If i did talk about future stuff i felt aware that inside i wasn't meaning it, i was just talking to keep up appearances.
One of my new years goals this year was to Live Now - this includes even stuff like wearing a new item of clothing or new lip gloss right away, as i have always had a tendency to save stuff i love for some nebulous ideal day or situation. Or for when i deserved it - whatever that means.
feeling that on hold feeling last week was familiar and yucky and i won't do it!
so now if i don't join the Y or call Chris Gunn, it's cos i'm just lazy :)
***addendum***
a dear friend pointed out that as lovely as living in the moment is - it is also a great comfort to have a list of things to do tomorrow or the next day, because you know you have time and will be there to do them. . So the counters to putting life on hold are both living for the moment AND making plans..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You are living life everyday in a very beautiful way. Thank you for updating your blog~ I love reading it.
ReplyDeleteNanette, thank you for this post. I feel like the whole time I've been undergoing treatment I've been in a constant state of limbo, where I didn't dare make any solid plans for the future because I wasn't sure what my treatment schedule would look like, how I would be feeling, etc.
ReplyDeleteWe finally said, "screw it!" and planned a big trip to Hawaii this summer. It felt so good to just break free and make some real plans. Cancer will have to work around MY schedule now, not vice versa.
I think your tips for "living now" are a good reminder for *everyone* to hear...no one has control over what their lives bring or when they end, so we may as well make the most of every single day. No excuses. XO