Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Glitter Dropz - my 2010 Komen team

Last year i signed up for the Komen Race for the cure because breast cancer had just affected my family for the first time. My kids step mom, yes my ex husband's wife, was diagnosed in october 2009, she's way too young. So it was important to me, and important for the kids.
lalala, months go buy, my story starts....when i thought about the 2010 race, it seemed so far away, i didn't know at all what shape or stage i'd be in. Then i had innocent ideas that i'd actually be well enough to run! eventually i figured out it fell at quite a good time, about 3 weeks after my last chemo and well after the big surgery. Regardless i signed up and made a team - my daughter came up withe the name the Glitter Dropz , people signed up.
A sweet lady Shelley who i hardly know, volunteered to donate team shirts and design & print our team name! Aren't they awesome! Shelley is the mom of a schoolmate of my kids, & my neighbor/team member Kristen helped facilitate this, i'm so grateful!

Beth, the kids & I decided to get a room at the Westin at the Domain for kicks, and to save the time and stress of driving & parking in the morning. That was a blast! we roamed around the Domain & had dinner at Kona Grill.

The gang met us in the lobby in the morning and we headed en masse to the race area, lots of booths to look at, and freebies to grab. It was kind of overwhelming. It was kind of sobering to see so many survivors.

We wrote who we were walking in honor of to pin to our backs.

My godson's was rad

My son's broke my heart

I loved the cheering, i got some random hugs, i felt my sisters with me

My mom & grandma joined us at the end!

Four Generations!

I was amazed at how hard 3 miles was - not thrilled with new found wimpiness

Tito's vodka party at Daily Grill after

got to meet a friend i have known on Twitter for ages - Brady! and his cute fam.

my daughter & brady's daughter!

my son & my god son - not afraid to wear pink

yeah,  5k, pooped
 part of me wants to delve into the emotional part of this day, part of me just wants this to be a little recap photo admiring post. it was emotional at times, little snippets, made eyes tear up. sometimes it was stressfull with the crowds and the team wrangling, like being a hostess. It was a lot of FUN. but really, being in the huge group of supporters & survivors put things in perspective. It was good to get away from the it's all about me and my fight syndrome. I was just a survivor like all the others. And i'm not saying that to minimize anything or trivialize. It's just true. So a huge giant hand High Fiving everyone. We are all amazing. I'm proud of all of us

Thursday, November 4, 2010

it'll never be the same again

"it'll never be the same again" - when this line of thought came into my head this morning it had a dramatic & emotional meaning and impact on me, which i will elaborate on in a min. I fear for the people who see me on my walks when this shit happens. walking crying scarf headed lady

but first - as i thought more on it in my attempts to calm myself and see clearly, i realized that that statement is true throughout life...
you graduate from highschool - it'll never be the same
you graduate college - it'll never be the same
you have a baby - it'll NEVER be the same
you get married - it'll never be the same
you get divorce - it'll never be the same
you get your heart broken - it'll never be the same
you kid's grow up - it'll never be the same
your parents health change - it'll never be the same
a loved one dies -it'll never be the same
you get it....we adjust to the new normal (greatest concept ever) - it's harder with some than others obv.

of course today, in my head, it's about cancer.
on my walk, on my ipod i was listening to the song The Blinding Crash by Li'l Cap'n Travis.
the song is about innocent simple days of love, they have such a way with lyrics to envoke that feeling
and i know it'll never be the same anyway, love n stuff changes as you grow older, it's not
but right now, with my body & my life  & my brain so significanly altered, the concept of simplicity couldn't be further from my grasp - it feels like mourning....

...excerpt from Blinding Crash by Li'l Cap'n Travis

"wanna hold you forever baby

wanna feel you forever baby

sipping straws together baby

blinding crash lasts forever baby

blinding crash lasts forever baby

its codler & colder without you baby

don't cry it ain't nothing but a thing

keep my picture in your jeans

keep your jeans at the foot of the bed

keep good thoughts in your head

keep holding on for the end

when we rock n roll it over again"