yeah so last weeks feelings got a chance to max out....
those feelings of realizing my life is now like "this" and not how it was, merely because i have had cancer. it's frustrating.
so, i was at a pre-op appointment at my plastic surgeon (i'm getting the final "real girl" addition to the reconstruction process) and i was complaining about pain and tighntes on my chest, pec muscles sort of, above the left breast. I figured it was a result of surgery recovery, that was the jacked up side. The side that had cancer, 2 surgeries, lymphnodes ect...
So Dr H feels around and says, something like "yeah you oughta get that checkd out"
I'm like, oncologist checked out checked out? yep. fuck.
i mad an appointment for tuesday, today. so i basically spent almost a week worrying. Dr K was not worried. No scans ordered, proceed as normal life.
but jeeze, this is it, this is how it is now. I will be nervous and SHOULD be nervous about anything out of the ordinary.
Of course i'm glad it was nothing. i'm more than glad. i'm thrilled, releived, grateful ect.. But im ANGRY that this is how my life is, with an element of fear & doubt at all times.
back to being crazysexygirl and conentrating on the happy
oh yeah, i wore glitter eyeliner to the doc
ok, moving on, my surgery is April 28th - should be a piece o cake. after that, the final step of tattoos.