anyway, this is a rant somewhat. and it's MY FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS...
I just finished wathing the documentary "Don't Follow Me - I'm Lost Too" about pretty much my fave musician ever (besides the Stones & Dylan) Bobby Bare JR.
It was good, followed him on the road, trials and tribulations, I got to hear/see my fave songs.
The road stuff is whatever, i've heard about it and seen it over the course of my semi-life long "career" of musican relationships. A whole other subject. Which leads me to what got me riled up.
The movie ended with Bobby's then current relationship with the mother of his then 2 month old baby leaving him, and Bobby saying to the camera, that the two women, mother's of his 3 children, both left him because they wanted him to stop doing what he was doing, stop being on the road, and of course he didn't because...duh. In his words he pointed out that he could stay in his town and have some shitty job making some shitty amount an hour, but really the point is deeper than that.
If you fall in love with a working musician, if you have a baby with him, if you marry him or not marry him, you sign up for this life. What Bobby's chicks did happens all the time and I just don't understand it. Surely that aspect, that creative energy, that talent, that spark that makes song writing and playing the "thing" that makes your man thrive, surely that's what you fall in love with. And i don't mean the image, i mean if you fall in love with a person, you fall in love that person and all that they are, unconditionally. Thier essesnce. And for artists, the creating is their essence. Why woud you want them to not be them? It's like asking your dog to please be a cat now because you are tired of having to walk them all the time. Or wishing the sky was green because it's a way more pleasant color to you than blue.
My ex husband came home for 2 weeks when my first kid was born, two weeks, then he was gone for 4 months i think, and then for some more time, and some more. I know my situation was semi-easy in that significant money was being made and major carreer success was happening. I realize it may be harder to take when it's all a grind and not too luxurious. But that doesn't change the scenario, in that if an artist forces themsleves to not be that, the effects of that would be squeezed out the sides like a melting ice cream sandwhich. resentment, anger, depression, sadness, disatisfaction.
I guess i have to disclaim that this may not be the case in every relationship and in every artist, and let's not even touch on peoples paranoia about "men on the road" - it happens, it doesn't happen, it's not the point of this.
I just know you have to love someone and let them be who they are, and it's not easy, and not always pretty and it doesn't always work.
below is Bobby Bare Jr and his insanely cute daughter Bella singing the song Bobby sang with his Dad when he was a kid.