this post isn't really about cancer - but it was in me, and i don't have another place for it.
this past weekend my kids got a brand new baby brother! no you didn't miss anything - their dad and his wife had a baby boy. She, the mama, had breast cancer too, right before me, so it's a lucky thing, this baby.
We were all excited and waiting. I was happy to have a baby in the fam.
But i have to say when i saw that first picture of him on FB i got pangs.
Are there other emotions than the 6 obvious ones?
is nostalgia a feeling?
i don't know what it is - i cried, but i wasn't sad. I am not in love with my ex husband, i'm not jealous. I don't want another baby. but something about seeing him, knowing he's connected to my kids...
I think it's nostalgia of some sort. I loved being a baby mommy. I was a really good baby mommy. Intuitive, patient, seamless. It was a blissful time. i loved that bubble of special of being a new mom.
I loved nursing. That's weird, i can remember, sort of, the feeling of the milk letting down, the euphoric dreaminess. Knowing that i don't have those breasts anymore...maybe thats part of it. the baby symbolizes something impossible from my past. Also a simpler, more naive time, when breast cancer, single parenting, teenage kids, earning a living, n stuff weren't part of my concern.
I'm gonna love that baby like a nephew plus 1