Saturday, October 23, 2010

the final chemo!




I had my last chemo session on October 12th, that date!! It seemed so far away this SUMMER when i got the chemo schedge. Then it came so fast. Weird how life still happens in the midst of impossible-ness.

I have to say this first, I feel VERY VERY lucky that my protocol, my "type", my situation, called for only 4 chemo infusions, and that those infusions conisted of a chemo cocktail that is not as harsh and debilitating as many many others. It still is crappy, but not as crappy as it could be. for that i am grateful

So....for this milestone, i had my "full moon girls", Cory & Beth with me. They are special and tho i may see one or the other,or they may see each other periodically, getting the 3 of us at one time is epic power. So it had to be. Helped that Cory brought killer vegan lunch from a new food trailer called Concious Cravings.


Full Moon Sisters
I had heard about the tradition of confettin & ringing the bell on your last day, but by the time i was done, it was super empty and i was feeling self concious about making a to do.  But i had one of those magic moments that only happens in the cancer club. I spotted a woman there who was visitng another patient, she looked familiar, i had seen her at a BCRC event months before and had the same feeling. But this time i got it, i used to know her, our 12 year olds had been in pre-school together. I'd been to her house. I remembered that she had fought this battle way back. I couldn't remember her name. She had short hair, she knew all the nurses, i wondered if she was back in. When she walked by i said HEY, i KNOW you! remmeber, ect... she did. She is back in, stage 4 lifer.

We had a nourishing catch up, you people tell me i'm inpiring, meet her, she made me so happy with her spirit. She was a like a glowy wood sprite, magical, cute.

anywayssss, she wouldn't hear of no confetti, so she made it happen, i rang the bell, i went home.


weird emotions, happy to be done with that, beyond happy. Guilty it was comparitavely easy. Sad to not be going anymore. I know, that's weird, but it's there. Dread as usual with how i knew i was going to feel.
fear in a way, that now, well in a few weeks, i can't "use" chemo, i have to become accountable, responible for my health, efficient with my time, present with my children, stuff i long for, but stuff i'm not as used to. I can't blame a sugar extravaganza on chemo cravings, I can't blame flaky on chemo brain, you get the idea.

So now, i'm still exhausted to the max, what's different is knowing that it's over. knowing that 3 weeks from October 12th will be like new territory, each day after 3 weeks will be a step towards feeling normal. It makes me want to over achieve.  But i was reminded that chemo can stay in your body for up to a year, so i guess i do have a while....i'll try to chill

So...what now. Well. now it's time to focus on the boobs. I still need to go for a few more expansions. Then in December i will have my replacement surgury. Where the plasitc surgeon will remove these horrible uncomfortable yucky expanders and place lovely silicon implants. i can't wait. I have heard this surgury is a piece o cake in comparison. so yay.

I will start my 5 years of Tamoxifen in a week. Weird to think of taking something for 5 years. I am trying not to read too much about side affects. It is what it is. I have to deal.

I will start excercising more, little by little, i'm joining a 12 week program at the Y through livestrong. I need more yoga. I would like to lose the weight i gained during chemo.

appointments and follow ups and scans, i guess they will be part of my life.

Oh yeah, and my hair!! i am so ready for that.

14 comments:

  1. You rock woman!! Congratulations!!!

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  2. WOOOT!!!! I cant wait to see you in person to give you a big hug. I heard I JUST missed your sighting at Peche' a couple weeks ago.

    And in true Nannette fashion....still plugging and networking away despite everything else with the toss in about the food trailer. :-)

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  3. What a journey. Thank you for letting me be part of it with you. Everything means a 100000 times more.

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  4. Congratulations! You've been a trooper through all of this, and I'm so proud of you!

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  5. Nanette, this is Shelly, Kyle's friend! I first want to say what a remarkable woman you are and an inspiration to all. I was diagnosed October 1st, the first day of breast cancer awareness month. My cancer was diagnosed early and just had my surgery last week. As of now, I am not having to go through chemo, but will have radiation and have to take Tomaxifen for 5 years. Like you, I am not liking the side affects listed! When I read your story, and knowing Kyle, I can see why you both are friends. I feel like I know you. I still have to have PET scan to check on some other areas of concern, but will try to remain positive and take one day at a time. Congratulations on completing chemo! I will be in touch and look forward to connecting with you. My prayers are with you. Shelly Hammer

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  6. Nanette, I'm so glad you're finished with that leg of your journey. I admire your strength and your positive attitude! Best of luck with your recovery. I hope it will be speedy and hair filled!

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  7. wow!!!!congatulations on finishing up. so glad you had cory et al w/you and you reacquainted w/friend and she made you do confetti....you deserve a truck load of the stuff for all you've been thru and more. a toast to you my dear for a healthy wonderful and full recovery. xo

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  8. I"d like to ring cancer's bell, if you know what I mean. Be good to yourself lady....and have fun! xoxooooCamille

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  9. Wonderful news, Nanette! Congratulations on finishing chemo. Can't wait to see you next Monday! :)

    xoxo,
    LJ

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  10. Sigh of relief! WOW. Welcome to your future!

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  11. But you make such a cute gypsy!

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  12. I'm thinkin about you and believing in you!
    Super glad your chemo is over & I hope your lovely locks return super fast!
    Again - I'm more than happy to bring you some tasty nourishing food.

    xo!

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  13. Congrats Nanette!

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