Saturday, October 23, 2010

the final chemo!

I had my last chemo session on October 12th, that date!! It seemed so far away this SUMMER when i got the chemo schedge. Then it came so fast. Weird how life still happens in the midst of impossible-ness.

I have to say this first, I feel VERY VERY lucky that my protocol, my "type", my situation, called for only 4 chemo infusions, and that those infusions conisted of a chemo cocktail that is not as harsh and debilitating as many many others. It still is crappy, but not as crappy as it could be. for that i am grateful

So....for this milestone, i had my "full moon girls", Cory & Beth with me. They are special and tho i may see one or the other,or they may see each other periodically, getting the 3 of us at one time is epic power. So it had to be. Helped that Cory brought killer vegan lunch from a new food trailer called Concious Cravings.

Full Moon Sisters
I had heard about the tradition of confettin & ringing the bell on your last day, but by the time i was done, it was super empty and i was feeling self concious about making a to do.  But i had one of those magic moments that only happens in the cancer club. I spotted a woman there who was visitng another patient, she looked familiar, i had seen her at a BCRC event months before and had the same feeling. But this time i got it, i used to know her, our 12 year olds had been in pre-school together. I'd been to her house. I remembered that she had fought this battle way back. I couldn't remember her name. She had short hair, she knew all the nurses, i wondered if she was back in. When she walked by i said HEY, i KNOW you! remmeber, ect... she did. She is back in, stage 4 lifer.

We had a nourishing catch up, you people tell me i'm inpiring, meet her, she made me so happy with her spirit. She was a like a glowy wood sprite, magical, cute.

anywayssss, she wouldn't hear of no confetti, so she made it happen, i rang the bell, i went home.

weird emotions, happy to be done with that, beyond happy. Guilty it was comparitavely easy. Sad to not be going anymore. I know, that's weird, but it's there. Dread as usual with how i knew i was going to feel.
fear in a way, that now, well in a few weeks, i can't "use" chemo, i have to become accountable, responible for my health, efficient with my time, present with my children, stuff i long for, but stuff i'm not as used to. I can't blame a sugar extravaganza on chemo cravings, I can't blame flaky on chemo brain, you get the idea.

So now, i'm still exhausted to the max, what's different is knowing that it's over. knowing that 3 weeks from October 12th will be like new territory, each day after 3 weeks will be a step towards feeling normal. It makes me want to over achieve.  But i was reminded that chemo can stay in your body for up to a year, so i guess i do have a while....i'll try to chill

So...what now. Well. now it's time to focus on the boobs. I still need to go for a few more expansions. Then in December i will have my replacement surgury. Where the plasitc surgeon will remove these horrible uncomfortable yucky expanders and place lovely silicon implants. i can't wait. I have heard this surgury is a piece o cake in comparison. so yay.

I will start my 5 years of Tamoxifen in a week. Weird to think of taking something for 5 years. I am trying not to read too much about side affects. It is what it is. I have to deal.

I will start excercising more, little by little, i'm joining a 12 week program at the Y through livestrong. I need more yoga. I would like to lose the weight i gained during chemo.

appointments and follow ups and scans, i guess they will be part of my life.

Oh yeah, and my hair!! i am so ready for that.


  1. You rock woman!! Congratulations!!!

  2. WOOOT!!!! I cant wait to see you in person to give you a big hug. I heard I JUST missed your sighting at Peche' a couple weeks ago.

    And in true Nannette fashion....still plugging and networking away despite everything else with the toss in about the food trailer. :-)

  3. What a journey. Thank you for letting me be part of it with you. Everything means a 100000 times more.

  4. Congratulations! You've been a trooper through all of this, and I'm so proud of you!

  5. Nanette, this is Shelly, Kyle's friend! I first want to say what a remarkable woman you are and an inspiration to all. I was diagnosed October 1st, the first day of breast cancer awareness month. My cancer was diagnosed early and just had my surgery last week. As of now, I am not having to go through chemo, but will have radiation and have to take Tomaxifen for 5 years. Like you, I am not liking the side affects listed! When I read your story, and knowing Kyle, I can see why you both are friends. I feel like I know you. I still have to have PET scan to check on some other areas of concern, but will try to remain positive and take one day at a time. Congratulations on completing chemo! I will be in touch and look forward to connecting with you. My prayers are with you. Shelly Hammer

  6. Nanette, I'm so glad you're finished with that leg of your journey. I admire your strength and your positive attitude! Best of luck with your recovery. I hope it will be speedy and hair filled!

  7. wow!!!!congatulations on finishing up. so glad you had cory et al w/you and you reacquainted w/friend and she made you do deserve a truck load of the stuff for all you've been thru and more. a toast to you my dear for a healthy wonderful and full recovery. xo

  8. I"d like to ring cancer's bell, if you know what I mean. Be good to yourself lady....and have fun! xoxooooCamille

  9. Wonderful news, Nanette! Congratulations on finishing chemo. Can't wait to see you next Monday! :)


  10. Sigh of relief! WOW. Welcome to your future!

  11. But you make such a cute gypsy!

  12. I'm thinkin about you and believing in you!
    Super glad your chemo is over & I hope your lovely locks return super fast!
    Again - I'm more than happy to bring you some tasty nourishing food.


  13. Congrats Nanette!