Sometimes when i go about my day, grocery store, coffee shop, walk in my neighborhood, with my gypsy head scarf look, i am convinced of course that people look at me. They probably are, i don't blame them. But i am always convinced i know what they are thinking.
The teenage girls look with a bit of fear, and distance, the beautiful neighorhood moms out running look with pity and glad it's not me thoughts, maybe a bit of wow she's so brave thrown in. The men driving by, also sympathy, tho more detatched than the women.
but one day, a man drove by in my neighborhood when i was walking, and he smiled at me, and i had a sudden epiphany, it's far more likely that the teenagers are looking at me thinking, yeah, that was my mom last year, the women are thinking, i remember when so & so lost her hair, the men may be remembering when they supported their wife 5 years prior, and thought she was still beautiful with no hair.
That's sad that that is so likely, but it's also comforting. It's helped me to think this way, it makes me see myself as stronger, as a person to inspire, not as a spectacle, an object.
ps. i realize that almost every blog post i write, has two feelings about something, a sad, scared, neg side, and an opposite counter, is that because i'm a crazy gemini? or is that the nature of trauma and the blessings. Oh yeah, it's both
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think it's both ... the adventure has it's pluses, in that, at least to me, it makes me feel freed from a lot of things but at the same time, it's enough to crush you if you let it. Just don't let it - and you don't. You rock it! And you keep me going with your spirit.
ReplyDeleteSis, could you even get more beautiful???? I love you with all my heart! Such a change in perspective is how we change the world. Keep it going. xo~air
ReplyDeletelove love love you mamamarmoset.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, definitely both! One of my BFFs is a Gemini...love you people. And love your blog--every post makes me a little teary eyed.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
LJ
Great post...but, made me teary again---not good at the office!
ReplyDeleteNanette - I've seen those same women, scarfs trailing behind their heads, and I doyens to stop and look. I've probably made some of them uncomfortable, I wish they knew what I was thinking. I'm thinking of my sister-in-law who always had perfect hair and her battle with those same thoughts. I'm thinking of my sister, who had a lump scare. I'm thinking of every woman I've ever met who received the news and bravely faced it. I'm thinking of everyone I know that has had any form of cancer. And in my head, I'm saying a phrase that rarely passes my lips - "You go girl!"
ReplyDeleteThe hair is gone, but the beauty never goes away. I'm proud of you for this blog and sharing your feelings and thoughts with the world. Maybe on on those teenage girls someday will find herself in need of a little inspiration and she'll find these posts. I hope they never will need them, but I do hope they find them if they need them.
Love your posts! It is amazing how you are sharing the insights of your struggle. Your blog will be and is an inspiration for those who will get cancer in the future, have it now, and for loved ones who have a loved one with cancer. When I see ladies sporting their gypsy head scarf I think that is a strong lady, i do a quick mental prayer they will win the fight, and think of family members who fought the fight.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. You really have a gift with words. Has this experience helped bring out this talent?
ReplyDeleteA well-meaning friend gave me a book written by a former breast cancer patient called It's Not About the Hair. Well, I just couldn't get through it because I thought, "No, it IS about the hair." It's very hard to deal with feeling lousy and not having your hair. It really is.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. These days, when I see a woman with a gypsy head scarf I think of my mom, and I want so badly to run up and give her a high-five. The looks aren't always what you think. Others are out there, living this with you.
ReplyDeleteYou are tough and amazing and beautiful and inspiring.
ReplyDeleteYou just took me from tears to instant laughter with this post. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteBesides, beauty is relative. :)
Hi Nanette, I love that you take note of the opposing feelings going on in most of your posts. It's so easy to get caught up in the scary sad stuff, to fear people are thinking the worst, and so much harder to do what you do and move past that. You truly are a person who inspires
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely an inspiring person! We all know that we could easily be in your shoes, and most people know someone who has been there! I'm sure that people see you, and they think of everyone they know who has been in a similar situation, and most likely send out good wishes and prayers for you and for everyone who has to deal with this horrible disease. I admire your strength and perserverance!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really beautiful post. Your thoughts prove that life is all about perspective. I'm wishing you all the best and sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Tara