Friday, July 2, 2010

...just like a woman

Ok, here's the scoop everyone is waiting treatment plan, first facts - then feelings:

(oh and i'm listening to Blonde on Blonde as i write, which both comforts me and makes my eyes well up, Dylan always has a way of allowing me to feel how i feel, if you know what i mean)

Thursday July 8th I'm going in for bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction using tissue expanders, i want the works :-)  - during surgery they will also insert a port, because July 27th i will be starting the dreaded chemo.

I will be getting TC chemo, 4 rounds every 3 weeks.  i kept hoping i would magically be exempt, but my oncotype testing, despite my strong progesterone & estrogent receptor positive-ness, still put me slightly into the intermedeate range of reccurance within 5 years.

After chemo is done, I will have the replacement surgury, and from what i've seen and heard, it's a piece o cake and the joy of no  more tisssue expanders overtakes it all.

then 5 years of tamoxifin

so weird that so much of this is my choice to make - but i felt such a strong pull to doing whaterthefuck it takes to ensure that on the other side, i live the best happiest, as low stress as poss, ultimate quality of life. And not undergoing all this stuff, would mean too much worry, what iffs, diligent monitoring, all the stress inducing stuff that actually is a factor in getting cancer.

I don't wanna lose my hair, little by little i try to get to picturing it, imagining what i will do ect.. Jenn, my exhusbandscurrentwife had the cutest scarves when she was in chemo, she learned them by watching african american hair videos on youtube, who knew. She'll teach me :)
Everyone says i need a hot pink bob wig, haha, it's true i do.
I admit, i'm kinda excited about the cute short haircuts i will have as it grows back, i always want to cut it but never have the nerve. In fact i will probably get one pixieish cut right before chemo.

I feel at peace, it is what it is, like i said, i kept hoping i would be magically exempt from the whole ugly scoop because i'm Nanette and i'm special,  but somwhere in the last week, i came to realize that this is what it takes, thousands of amazing women do this and worse. I'm not special in cancer. we all are.  I will be special in other ways.
i am scared tho

AND - I'm determined to make it the Bob Dylan show August 4th

Just Like a Woman - lyrics by Bob Dylan

Nobody feels any pain

Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls
She takes just like a woman, yes she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl


  1. NANETTE! MY UNI! EFF YEAH!! You are a beacon of light to me every day and the greatest teacher and influencer of grace and sense. I LOVE YOU. I can't wait for you to make it thru but in the meantime I want to be in the trenches with you.

  2. Nanette, I wish you all the best.

  3. You can totally rock a head scarf. I have seen some amazingly gorgeous and funky ones. Best of luck Nanette. You might not be special in cancer, but you are special in other ways. I'll be thinking of you and hope you update after your surgery.

  4. YOu are in my thougths girl....and I agree you will totally ROCK that head scarf.

  5. Wow... said like a woman who is in charge of her own destiny! I'm glad there is finally some clarity on what needs to happen, and now you can attack it with all your strength! I'm right there beside you whenever you need me...

  6. Nanette, you ARE special. Found that out a loooooooong time ago.

  7. Nanette, I will be thinking of you every minute next Thursday. I am almost excited for you and your cute hairdos and awesome new boobs! I can't wait to hear about the Dylan show!

  8. Nanette,
    You have been on my mind a lot since I left for Vegas last week.I have this irrational urge to worry about my friends when the worry does nothing for me or them.
    After reading the above, yes, I'm still concerned for my friend, but also reassured that she's got every doctor, friend and family member behind her.
    You know you have my unwavering support. You always will.

  9. Hey babe:

    I don't wanna say I'm sorry to see you have to go through this, so I'll say I can't wait to see your hair all sexy-short like it used to be. At some point you'll have to dye the front pink or red and spike it for old times sake. Thinking about you.


  10. Nanette,
    Wow. I had no idea that you were dealing with this.

    I am riveted and touched by every word I just read on your blog...and "Just Like a Woman"...bless your sweet, strong, funny, savvy, superhuman heart.

    I am going to bookmark your blog and send you positive thoughts.


  11. God Bless YOU my dear...I am a long time friend of Fernando and Yami's in CA...I think we met many years ago when you were here with your parents to visit them...I pray that you will have many many many years of health and happiness...grow old like the rest of us with beautiful salt and pepper hair and many grandchildren.........I send my love and prayers your way! "Sam" Upton (known by Auntie Sam to your nephews and nieces!)

  12. You are my hero! I have 80 million scarves that are yours - I know I'm a bit older, but these scarves rock it out and you'll look fab in them!

  13. You are amazing. Please, please let me know if you need ANYTHING.

  14. Nanette,
    For some reason I thought about you today. Again, as I have said before I don't know you, but came to read your blog last month via a tweet from Chris Brogan.
    Today, I am praying that your surgery went well yesterday. I wish you peace and serenity as you walk through this journey.

  15. Nannette - you are steadily in my thoughts, and I'm sending you a steady stream of warm thoughts and hugs - I just with there was something more powerful I could do... xoxo, Franny

  16. Hey You!! I am thinking about you and sending you lots love and peace. Just so ya know....your beauty is undeniable, hair or not!

  17. Nanette,

    You know *I* know what this is like. Just don't let anyone, especially if she/he has not been through this, tell you how to experience it. Don't decide how you're going to experience it. Take it as it comes. It's not fun, it's not rockin', and no number of pink wigs will make that way.