so i have pretty much avoid googling any cancer stuff. I don't wanna over drama myself, read scenarios i can't imagine or handle. Too much info overload. worst case scenarios. stuff that's not relevant.
I did one day read some forum topics on Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and even that overwhelmed me with the terms i didn't understand and the descriptions of symptoms & side effects.
But a few weeks have gone by, i understand what MY terms mean for the most part, i decided there were a few particular & focused things i wanted to read about.
So i sat at a starbucks as my home internet was down, and typed the words breast cancer estrogen soy, got results, opened a few links in new windows and...guess what? mini public meltdown
it wasn't the subject matter or info uncovered...
I just cannot believe that these search terms relate to me, it's just unbefuckinglievable to me. it still doesn't seem possible. and it doesn't feel fair
It is at times too much to have all these thoughts and decisions, playing different scenarios playing in my head constantly as i try and do the other normal things in my life, mommying being the hardest one to do with ease.
i never knew mental fatigue like this, i'm tired even tho i sleep well
i know...more JUICE :)
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I know just what you mean about the terms actually referring to you and your situation. Unfortunately, I feel the exact same way with your dad, and the terms that refer to him. We use these terms (you and I) but, it is like we are in a play and are just reading our lines.
ReplyDeleteOh Nan .. First a big hug as tears well up in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal you body and soul.
May your pain cease,
May your strength increase,
May your fears be released,
May blessings, love,and joy surround you.
((Nanette)) I know its hard, but the most important thing is to focus on the present and the future. Cancer is a bitch, and you have every right to have a meltdown, public or private. All that matters right now is staying strong by surrounding yourself with positivity, which I know you have all around you. It's everywhere.
ReplyDeleteXOXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteNanette,
ReplyDeleteI've answered your post on Pink Ribbon Cowgirls. You probably didn't know I was dx with breast cancer in Dec. 2007. Went through 2 surgeries, chemo, and radiation. Contact me!
Roseana
Whatever is true,whatever is noble,whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent and praiseworthy-think about such things
ReplyDeletePhilippians 4:8
Do not fear,for I am with you; do not be dismayed,for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Curl into his palm babygirl! He will give you everything you need the moment you need it! Look at the beautiful cornucopia of sistas He has appointed to care for your every need,want,dream, and desire!!!
Rest in these words little lotus flower!!!
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